Can't Get That Song Out Of My Head
by MDFawn
Summary: When Noah calls will Luke listen?


"_**Can't Get That Song Out Of My Head**_

Luke stood in the elevator staring up at the numbers. Each floor passing by agonizingly slow. His eyes were tired, red and burning and his head was pounding from being up late again last night working on the outline of the book he was trying to write. He had thought that getting back into writing would be therapeutic and give him a healthy outlet for all of the emotions that he had been dealing with over the last two years. That, of course, was until he realized just how long it had been since he had written_ anything._

The elevator bell chimed and the doors slid open and he quickly stepped out into the 12th floor offices of The Snyder Foundation. The assault on his senses from the normal morning chaos almost had him turning and getting back on the elevator. He had contemplated staying home and working on the Foundation's mind numbing paperwork there but Lily was doing an interview with Kim at WOAK today and he had said he would be in and watch it with the staff.

As he started toward his office, taking his overcoat off, he could see that his assistant, Leslie, had already set up the television in the area next to her desk. It now seemed to be a tradition that any time either he or Lily or both were on TV that the television was carted out and everyone would watch and critique the interview. He had to admit that he and Lily were becoming really good at this television stuff.

"Has there been any teasers on yet, Leslie?" Luke asked as he neared the young woman's desk.

Leslie spun around from adjusting the table that the television sat on. "No, nothing yet, Luke."

Luke passed her and walked through his office door. "Well, let me know when she's on."

"Sure thing." She smiled as she sat back down at her desk.

Luke smiled as he threw his coat on the nearby sofa and walked over and dropped heavily into the chair behind his desk. He quickly opened his messenger bag up and deposited the files he had been working on at home onto the top of his already cluttered desk. The quarterly report was dry reading but he had made a promise to both his mother and grandmother that he wouldn't "check-out" on the Foundation again.

His life had decided to take a downward spiral, again. He almost laughed out load at that thought. He sat and was lost in memories as he quickly thought how different his life had become in the space of just a short 18-months. Mason, the jealousy, the accident, Noah's blindness, the blame and guilt, the possibility of surgery to restore Noah's sight. The arrival of Dr. Oliver. Reid. Luke took a deep breath. Reid had been the real beginning of the end of he and Noah.

Reid, Noah's doctor. Reid, Luke's lover. The two were not a good combination. The accident, Luke could finally say that to himself and believe it. The accident hadn't changed anything. No, it had only intensified the problems that were already there in his and Noah's relationship. With his blindness, Noah had pulled away again. At first because he had blamed Luke but then it was more because he wanted to be 'independent'. God, how Luke had hated that word.

That, of course, had only intensified in Luke his need to cling and hover. Feeling Noah slip away, as he saw it, and not need or want him or them any longer. When Noah had said he was going to Dallas for the surgery alone he had been mad but resolute and determined to be there for Noah. When the surgery had been switched to Oakdale but Noah had still wanted his 'independence' Luke had finally lost it.

Wanting, even when he knew the outcome, to demand more from Noah even while knowing Noah didn't have the more to give. The break-up had been the result, as Luke knew it would be. Deep inside Luke had known that the one thing he needed at that time was the one thing Noah wasn't able to give especially then.

The realization a few weeks later of the deeply submerged feelings that Reid had for him had come as a surprise to say the least. The fact that when Reid acted on those feelings and Luke responded was an even bigger surprise to both of them.

The affair had stayed a secret. Luke told himself it was only to protect Reid from another Ethics Committee hearing but deep inside he had known that the real reason was because he didn't want Noah to know. He didn't want Noah to find out that he had moved on and moved on with a person Noah believed he hated and hated him in return.

_**RING. RING. RING**__._

Luke jumped as his cell phone rang. He picked it up before the third ring ended not bothering to glance at the display. "Hello?" He asked distractedly.

"Hello, Luke." The voice said. The voice that seemed to reach all the way through the phone line, down into Luke's chest and curl around his heart and squeeze.

Luke hesitated for a second as he tried to force air back into his lungs. "Hello, Noah." He finally whispered.

Silence hung heavy over the line. Luke's eyes focusing on the file on his desk top, anything to ground himself. Just the voice was enough to stop his heart. The surprise of hearing it after all these months terrified him.

"Luke?" Noah asked into the silence. "Are you there?

Luke jerked. "Yeah, I'm here. Just . . . I'm surprised to hear your voice."

"Oh, if I'm bothering you I can let you go." Noah said nervously.

"No!" Luke answered more abruptly than he had intended. He took a quick breath to steady himself. "No, it's fine, Noah."

Luke wondered how it was possible to ache all over just from the sound of someone's voice. To feel that longing again all over even after Noah had been gone for months.

"It's good to hear your voice, Noah." Luke said quietly.

"Yours, too." Noah breathed. Luke could hear his smile through the phone. "Luke, are you sure I'm not bothering you?"

"I'm sure. I'm just sitting at the Foundation waiting to watch my mom do an interview on Oakdale Now with Kim." Luke smiled into the phone.

"I'm sure Lily will do great. She always does." Noah said. Luke could hear the smile in his voice when he talked about his mother. "How is everyone? Faith, Natalie, Ethan."

Luke smiled at the fact that Noah still cared so much for his family. "The girls are fine, hating school and loving boys." Luke smiled into the phone. "Ethan is still a terror, but he's so damn cute that he gets away with anything."

"Go to hear nothing's changed." Noah softly chuckled. "And your parents?"

"Good." Luke sighed. "Still not back together but they get along well enough. Dad is still with Molly, they seem to be happy. Mom is working and just concentrating on the kids. What can you do, I guess they'll never grow up and realize they should just stay together and be done with it."

As soon as the statement was out of his mouth he wished he could grab it and stuff it back in. The sentiment about his parent's relationship was just a little too close to his own sad situation with Noah.

"I'm sorry about your parents, Luke." Noah said quietly.

"I know you are." Luke cleared a lump from his throat. "How are you, Noah? I heard you're directing."

"Yeah." Noah chuckled. "Who would have thought I'd be in New York directing a soap opera."

"Hey, it's a start." Luke smiled into the phone. "You have to work your way up to Spielberg and Scorsese status."

"I know. I know." Noah chuckled.

Luke could hear yelling and it seemed like arguing over the phone line. "Noah, what's that? Is that a fight?"

The sounds were suddenly muffled. They returned a second later but at a lower sound level. "There were just some people having an argument, I moved away so I can hear better."

Luke noticed what sounded like a note of strain in Noah's voice. "Noah, where are you?"

"I'm just running some errands." Noah answered hesitantly. "I'm at the . . . I'm at the DMV."

"The DMV? The Department of Motor Vehicles, what for?" Luke asked with a hint of amusement.

Noah hesitated for another instance as if caught off guard. "I'm renewing my driver's license. I never changed my address to New York, it still says Oakdale, Illinois."

Luke sat, a slow smile spreading across his face. "Maybe you just never thought of New York as home?"

Noah was silent for a long moment. "Yeah, there could be something to that."

"Noah . . . why are you calling?" Luke nearly slapped his hand over his mouth. The question had been in his head but he hadn't intended to ask it.

Luke could hear the soft sound of a chuckle escaping Noah's throat and then him clearing his throat as if he were suddenly chocked up. "You ever hear a song and can't get it out of your head?"

"What? Sure." Luke said in confusion and then smiled. "Which song?"

Luke sat as another silence stretched on between them.

"Luke." Noah began hesitantly. "I never apologized for everything that happened."

Luke sat stunned, still behind his desk. "What?"

"The accident. I never told you that I knew it wasn't your fault." Noah took a giant breath in to steady himself. "I'm sorry. You know, I stopped blaming you before I even came back from the rehab center at Christmas but I was to stubborn to say anything. Then . . . "

Luke sat behind his desk. His breath coming in shallow gasps as he whispered. "The whole Reid thing happened." Luke had wanted, needed to hear the words that Noah were finally saying. Had needed to hear them months ago but they had never come. Now, Noah was saying the words he'd longed to hear.

"Yeah, Reid." Noah sighed. "I pushed you away over and over again thinking you would always come back."

"Because I always did." Luke whispered sadly. "I got . . . tired."

"I know." Noah whispered back.

They both sat in silence for a few seconds, both trying to comprehend what was being said.

"It was never you that was the problem. It was me." Noah whispered again. "You know that don't you?"

Luke swallowed hard as he tried to find his voice. "It wasn't all you."

"I just thought after I got my sight back we'd be able to get back to . . . to us." Noah said. "I just never thought . . . "

"That I would move on?" Luke said with a little heat and immediately regretted it. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that."

"No, Luke." He interrupted. "I knew eventually you would move on. I just didn't expect it to be with . . . _**him**_."

Luke closed his eyes as he still heard the pain in Noah's voice at the memory of that discovery.

_ Noah walked out of the elevator onto the third floor of Memorial. He turned left heading toward Dr. Oliver's office for his third follow-up appointment after the surgery that had changed Noah's life. He was actually an hour early, but he had to re-register for OU and he hoped that Dr. Oliver could fit him in. _

_ He had his sight back, although not perfect 20/20 any longer, but his sight was back. Each appointment confirmed that the surgery had been a success and that Noah was on his way back to being a little bit more like the Noah that he had been before the accident. He could see perfectly in his mind the first sight he'd seen after the surgery. _

_ It had been dark in the room and still blurry but the sight of Luke's beaming face had been the best sight he had ever seen and the only one Noah had ever wanted to see._

"_Snyder, you're the first thing I see and you couldn't find something better than strips to wear?" Noah had chuckled as he watched tears of joy start to trail down Luke's still smiling face._

"_I knew you would appreciate them." Luke whispered as he wiped his face with his sleeve. _

_ Reid had stepped in then and ushered Luke out of the room as he continued the post-op examination. It was almost an hour later when Luke returned accompanied by Lily and Holden._

_ Luke stood back smiling and watched as Lily walked over and slowly gave an embarrassed Noah a warm hug and kiss. Holden had patted him on the shoulder and told him how proud and happy he was that Noah had gotten his sight back. Noah had noticed the unease in Luke's stance as he stood back watching his parents._

_ After Lily and Holden had left Luke sat silently at Noah's bedside, edgy and nervous. _

"_I know you're seeing someone." Noah whispered as he watched Luke's face for the first time in seven long months, freeze. Watched as his chocolate eyes snapped up to meet his own._

_ Luke sat stunned as Noah's eyes searched his own. "How?"_

_ Noah softly sighed. "I've known you, Luke, for almost three years. I think I can tell when you're hiding something from me." Noah sat quietly for a moment still gazing into Luke's eyes. "What else could it really be?"_

_ Luke waited for the question he knew was coming. Dreaded it actually._

"_Are you happy?" Noah whispered as he dropped his eyes to his own hands. He didn't want to see the truth in those hazel eyes._

_ Luke hadn't expected that. He'd expected 'Who?' _

"_Yes." He simply answered without thinking. As he watched the down turned head slowly nod._

"_Good. You deserve to be." Noah chocked. _

_ That had been three weeks ago and Noah still didn't know who it was that Luke had been seeing. He knew that Lily didn't approve of him, whoever 'him' was. She had come to visit a few times and during her visits he had tried to casually ask about her son's relationship and gotten the distinct impression that she thought it was short lived and that Luke had made a bad choice._

_ He had even seen Luke several times around Old Town and they had talked but he never asked Luke who it was. He honestly didn't want to know, he just wanted to be sure Luke was finally happy. That he had finally found what he wanted in a relationship. Found what Noah hadn't ever been able to be for him or give to him in their own relationship._

_ Noah walked into the reception area of Dr. Oliver's office and saw that his secretary was gone. He could hear the soft whisper of Dr. Oliver's voice drifting out from his office and so decided he would chance knocking and ask if he could be squeezed in. _

_ As Noah walked over he saw that the door was open ever so slightly. He pushed on the door and started speaking before he even had gotten a look at who was with Dr. Oliver in his __office._

"_Dr. Oliver I was wondering . . ." Noah stopped as the words died in his throat at the sight in front of him._

_ Dr. Oliver was standing just to the side of his desk and he was in the middle of a heated, passionate kiss . . . with a man. His hands not the hands of a surgeon but the hands of a lover as they roamed underneath the other man's shirt, up his back. _

_ Dr. Oliver and the man jerked apart as they sensed someone had walked in and Noah felt his knees buckle as he realized that the other man was Luke._

"_Noah?" Luke breathed as he stepped back and tried, unsuccessfully to straighten his shirt. _

_ All three stood staring at each other for what seemed hours but in reality was only a few seconds. Noah watched as a blush raced up Luke's face as he finally got his shirt back in place. He turned to look disbelievingly at his doctor, the doctor that had said countless times how much he didn't like Luke, how much he hated the fact that Luke had forced him here. Seems like Dr. Oliver had an odd way of showing his dislike. _

"_Noah." Luke began but stopped as Noah's now dead eyes turned back to him._

"_Don't." Noah said calmly and then turned and walked out of the office. _

_ Luke was racing out the door and down the hallway before he knew what was happening and caught up with Noah's retreating back just as he was pressing the button for the elevator. _

"_Noah, let me explain." Luke said quietly as he came to a stop next to Noah._

_ Noah didn't turn, he simply stared straight ahead at the doors of the elevator. "There's nothing to explain." He whispered fiercely. _

"_We didn't plan it, it just happened." Luke whispered desperately. "I wanted to tell you but I just . . . I just didn't know how."_

_ The doors to the elevator finally opened and Noah darted in. He just wanted to get away as quickly as possible but Luke stood on the threshold forcing the elevator doors open._

"_Noah, please." Luke nearly sobbed. "Say something, anything."_

_ Noah's eyes that had been glued to the floor finally snapped up and blue glared into hazel. "Didn't know how to tell me?" A rough chuckle burst from him. "Gee, what's the problem Luke. Didn't know how to tell me that my ex-boyfriend who originally hated my egocentric surgeon is now f*ucking him. I guess, you two can have quite a laugh on how you pulled one over on the blind guy."_

"_It wasn't like that at all." Luke whispered._

"_How was it than?" Noah snapped as he stepped up into Luke's face. "Tell me, Luke. How do you go from hating someone's guts to f*ucking him? Because you are fucking him aren't you?"_

_ Luke's head snapped back at Noah's words and his eyes dropped to the floor at the accusation's he saw in Noah's._

"_Well, Luke!" Noah nearly yelled. "Are you going to tell me the truth now?"_

"_Yes." Luke said nearly crying. "Yes, we're sleeping together. There are you happy?"_

_ Noah stepped back and stared at the one man he thought he'd love for the rest of his life. "No, Luke, I'm about as far from happy as you can possibly get." _

_ Luke looked up, unshed tears sitting in his eyes as he looked into Noah's face. A face __now totally devoid of expression when looking at him._

"_Move, Luke." Noah said as he reached to press the elevator button._

_ Luke involuntarily stepped back and his and Noah's eyes locked once more as the elevator doors slowly shut._

"I should have told you right after your surgery about me and Reid." Luke stopped, taking a deep breath. "I just didn't know how."

"Yeah. It was a bit of a shock." Noah replied quietly. "That's an understatement, actually."

Luke softly chuckled. "That's Luke Snyder, if you can't do it big than don't do it at all."

Luke sat as another silence fell between them. His eyes searching around the room until they fell on Leslie and another woman sitting and watching the television. "Hold on a minute, Noah."

He walked over to the doorway. "Leslie, what's going on with my mother's interview?"

Leslie slowly turned but didn't pull her eyes away from the television screen. "It's been pre-emptied by the network. They're covering some breaking news out of . . . "

"Well, just let me know when she's on." Luke said cutting her off and turning back into his office.

"Luke?" Noah asked.

"Yeah, I'm here." Luke answered as he walked over to his office window that overlooked Oakdale.

"I shouldn't have run away. We should have talked about it." Noah whispered.

"Well, that's kind of what you do, Noah." Luke smiled into the phone. "Runaway."

_**BANG - BANG - BANG - BANG**_.

Luke jumped at the loud noise coming from the phone line. "What the h*ell was that?"

There was several seconds of silence and Luke could hear Noah's breathing heavy over the phone. "Noah?"

"It was just . . . it was just some steal plates out on the road. A bus or a truck must have passed over it and popped them." Noah was trying to chuckle nervously. "It happens all the time here in Brooklyn. The streets are a mess."

Luke laughed softly. "I don't think this country boy would be able to get use to that."

"You get use to anything if you hear it often enough." Noah answered with a sigh. "Luke?"

"Noah?" Luke said.

"I've been seeing someone." Noah started.

Luke unconsciously tensed up. "Oh." He swallowed. "That's nice but . . ."

"What? No! No, not like that." Noah interrupted when he realized that Luke misunderstood. "I've been going to see a therapist."

"Oh!" Luke breathed. "That's good . . . right?"

"Yeah." Noah said with a sigh. "It's been helping me a lot. Dr. Gibson has helped me figure a lot of things out about myself . . . about my father . . . about us."

"Us?" Luke asked.

"I shouldn't have said the things I said before I left." Noah breathed into the phone.

Luke swallowed the lump that again appeared in his throat as he turned from the window and sat back down behind his desk. "They were how you felt." He whispered in a shaking voice.

"I didn't mean them." Noah answered.

Luke closed his eyes trying to keep the tears at bay, remembering their last meeting. Noah having come by the farm to say goodbye to his family. Not him, but his parents and brother and sisters.

_ The screen door slammed open and than shut as Noah raced out of the Snyder's kitchen. It ricocheted back open and closed again a second later when Luke ran out after him._

"_That's it! Just like that?" Luke nearly screamed at Noah's back as he reached for the door handle of his truck. _

_ Noah stopped and stood still facing the truck. He hadn't wanted this. He had thought that Luke wouldn't be home and had come by to say his goodbyes to the Snyder's. He just couldn't leave Oakdale and the last three years of his life behind without saying goodbye to people that __**almost**__ seemed like his family._

_ He had just finished hugging a crying Natalie and Faith when Luke walked in through the screen door and stopped dead in his tracks. _

"_I saw your truck." Luke looked between Noah and the sad faces of his family. "What's going on here?"_

"_Noah's leaving Oakdale and it's all your fault!" Faith screamed as she ran, crying up the stairs to her room._

_ Luke stood as if slapped in the face. "What?"_

_ Noah hastily tuned back to Mr. and Mrs. Snyder who were now standing awkwardly behind him. "Thank you for letting me be a part of your family, Mr. and Mrs. Snyder. It meant so much to me."_

_ Lily waved a silent hand at him as tears ran down her face. She reached out and pulled him into a giant hug. "Stay. Work it out." She whispered into his ear._

_ Noah slowly pulled back, looking down into eyes that were too much like Luke's and silently shook his head, no._

_ Holden's hand landed on his shoulder and gently squeezed. "You will always have a home here with us, Noah." Holden smiled._

"_Thank you, sir." Noah said in a chocked voice._

_ Noah quickly turned and moved past Luke and out the screen door. _

"_You were just going to leave and not even say goodbye to me?" Luke yelled as he watched Noah's back as he stood tuned toward his truck._

"_Goodbye, Luke." Noah said in a strained voice. His knuckles turning white as he stood gripping the door handle._

"_Asshole!" Luke screamed._

_ Noah turned and quickly took five giant steps to stand face to face with Luke. He could see the golden flecks in his hazel eyes. He could feel Luke's breath as it came in ragged gasps. He could almost melt in the heat, the connection, the chemistry that still existed between them, had always existed between them, would always exist between them._

"_What do you want me to say? What do you want me to do?" Noah breathed out the questions. "You're with __**him**__. Would talking about anything change __**that**__?"_

_ Luke stood staring up into the blue eyes that he'd lived in for the last three years. He had never thought that he would be leaving them. To not want to be engulfed in them._ _He could hear the vague hope in Noah's last question. 'Would talking about anything change __**that**__?'_

"_No." Luke whispered as he watched the faint glimmer of hope die in those blue eyes._

_ Noah nodded his head once. "That's what I thought." He turned and headed back to the truck._

"_Running away like always." Luke said to the retreating back._

_ Noah stopped and turned once more. "And Reid's just the next generation Brian."_

_ Luke's head snapped back, stunned. "What?"_

"_Another older man, Luke. Someone you can throw yourself at when you feel insecure about us." Noah said quietly. "Your insecurities that you couldn't control because I wouldn't let you do everything for me. That I wanted to be able to do things myself. You couldn't fill your need to care for me and do things for me so you turned to someone else who __**needs**__ you. __**Needs**__ you and your name and your money and your influence to get him out of trouble."_

_ Luke stood staring at him. The words washing over him._

"_At least, __**I**__ never used you, Luke." Noah said in a fierce whisper. "I'm guilty of a lot of mistakes in our relationship, but I never used you or your family."_

_ Luke watched in silence as Noah turned and hopped into his truck, started it up and turned down the driveway and was gone._

"I'm sure he wasn't using you." Noah said sadly. "I'm sure he fell in love with you just as hard a I did." Noah said into the phone.

Luke sat. His mouth wanted to form the words he longed to tell Noah but the words weren't coming. They seemed to be stuck in his throat.

"Luke." Luke listened to the voice that all of the sudden seemed chocked up. "Just tell me you're happy with him. Please, just tell me you are? That I did the right thing by leaving Oakdale. Please."

The longing and pleading in Noah's voice was breaking Luke's heart. The need for Noah to hear that he was indeed happy being with Reid. The need to know that his running had resulted in a good, that Luke had found what he wanted.

Luke tried to clear his throat but he couldn't seem to get the lump that suddenly appeared there to move.

"Luke?" Noah asked again, his voice strangled.

"Noah . . . " Luke began but was interrupted by the sound of a musical beep indicating that the cell phone signal had been dropped.

Luke pulled the phone away from his face and looked at the display. "Shit!" He whispered fiercely as he quickly tried the redial button. He waited as the mechanical voice explained that the person who he was trying to call was unavailable. "Damn cell phones!"

"My, my, my." Lucinda smiled as she stood in his doorway. "Aren't we in a foul mood this morning."

Lucinda's smile suddenly slipped from her face as Luke glanced up from the phone and she saw the look in his eyes. She watched as he turned back to the cell phone and punched some buttons, then slapped the phone shut and threw it down on the desk top.

Luke got up and started pacing. Noah had called. Called him and out of the blue he was apologizing.

"What's going on?" Lucinda asked as she stepped into her grandson's office. "Who was that on the phone?"

Luke stopped his pacing and his eyes snapped up to his grandmother's. He knew that tone and knew who she thought had been on the phone.

"It wasn't him, grandmother." Luke sighed as he closed his eyes and rubbed the back of his neck.

Lucinda let out a breath that she hadn't realized she had been holding. "Then who has put you in such a state?"

Luke slowly opened his eyes and focused on his grandmother. "Noah."

Her eyebrows shot up almost reaching her hairline. "Noah? Well . . . now." A smile slowly spreading across her face.

"Don't grandmother." Luke said as he turned away from her smile.

She watched as he sat back down behind his cluttered desk and started fiddling with files. Lucinda walked over and silently sat on the corner of his desk and reached out and laid a hand on his arm stilling it.

"Don't what? Be happy that the love of your life has called out of the blue?"

Luke shot a quick glance up at her. "It was just a silly phone call. He was running errands and he said he heard a song and couldn't get it out of his head." Luke shook his head. "It was just a spur of the moment thing."

"And?" Lucinda asked as she smiled down at her favorite grandchild.

"And . . . nothing." He said as he tried to shrug off her hand.

Lucinda watched him sit back and leaf through a file. She might have believed it was 'nothing' if not for the fact that the file Luke was supposed to be reading at this moment hadn't been upside down. She sat and crossed her arms in front of her, leveling an intense gaze on him.

"What?" Luke nearly screamed after only 10 seconds of a 'Lucinda Walsh Stare Down.'

"Obviously, you did more than just pass the time of day and song titles." She sighed as she continued to gaze at her grandson.

"Okay." He threw the file on the desk. "He apologized."

"Really?"Her eyebrows shot up again. "And?"

"And . . . he wanted to make sure I was happy. Happy with Reid." Luke finished in a small voice.

"You didn't tell him?" She almost jumped up from the desk.

"I didn't get a chance, grandmother." Luke snapped back. "Our cell phones lost connection and I can't get it back."

"Luke." She breathed. "You have to tell him."

"_Where are you going?" Luke snapped as he followed Reid out of Java._

"_Home. I've already told you that I have a surgery tomorrow at 8:00 a.m." Reid snapped back. He was tired and really didn't have the energy to go through with another Luke Snyder bitchfest._

"_Well, what about tomorrow night?" Luke breathed trying to center himself. He hated fighting although it seemed to be one of the two things they were really good at. Fighting usually lead to the other thing they were really good at. He flushed at the thought._

"_What about it. I said I wasn't going. You go, come over afterwards." Reid said as he turned to face the blonde man. He marveled at how sexy he looked even in the middle of a __heated discussion._

"_NO!" Luke had had it. "We've been seeing each other for almost three months and my parents asked you over for dinner because they want to meet the man I'm involved with." _

"_We're not involved, Luke." Reid sighed as he closed his eyes and breathed. "We're sleeping together. Yes, it's great but I don't have time to deal with a boyfriend and all the drama that goes along with it."_

_ Luke stood as if slapped. "Wow. You seem to have enough time for me when you want to f*uck me."_

_ The doctor stood watching the man before him. This was exactly the drama he had hoped to avoid. He knew he had brought it on himself, flirting and than having sex, even if it was mind-blowing sex, with a younger man. _

_ He had honestly thought that this was just a rebound thing for Luke and that it would be good, they'd have fun and then it would die quickly and relatively quietly. Reid had to admit he had miscalculated this one._

"_I haven't seen you complaining about the sex, Mr. Snyder." He smiled smugly at him._

_ Luke glared at him in disbelief. "It's not about the sex, Reid. I want you . . . us to be more than just the sex." Luke started to get flustered as he watched Reid's face remain impassive. "I just want us to be more like me and No . . . "_

_ Luke suddenly stopped, realizing what he had been about to say._

"_You want us to be more like you and Noah? That's what you were about to say, right?" Reid almost smiled._

_ Luke stood for a few seconds and than silently nodded his head, yes._

"_Well, I'm not Noah nor will I ever be Noah." Reid breathed as he adjusted the suit jacket he was wearing. "I never told you that it was going to be anything more than what it is. We have a good time. The sex is enjoyable and a great release for the both of us but I'm not into getting to know every one of your zillion member family and I certainly don't want to deal with the next Snyder crisis."_

_ Reid turned to start back to his apartment but stopped as Luke grabbed his arm._

"_So that's it? No discussion. No . . . anything?" Luke stood confused. _

"_No." Reid answered matter of factly._

"_Well, I guess . . . I guess we're done than." Luke whispered._

"_I guess." Reid said with a deadpan expression and turned and left._

That had been three months ago. Reid hadn't wanted to revisit any of the conversation. They were over and that was it. No talking, no discussion, nothing. Just over and done with. Luke had been devastated, not so much over the loss of Reid but at the loss of the relationship. The very relationship that he had turned his back on Noah for.

Luke had spent a self-destructive weekend mourning over that very fact. He'd started drinking and hadn't stopped until Casey had found him nearly passed out in the alley behind Yo's after having been called by a distraught Lily.

"_Come on, Luke." Casey whispered as they both sat in Al's and he proceeded to pour a whole pot of coffee down his friend's throat over a two hour time period trying to sober him up before taking him home to Lily's house. "Dr. Butthead isn't worth you falling off the wagon and pickling your kidney over."_

"_Dr. Butthead?" Luke chuckled. "Perfect name for him, but what Casey, does that make me?"_

"_Confused." Casey smiled sadly. _

_ Luke stared into his coffee cup. "I thought that someone like Dr. Oliver, brilliant, world renowned neurosurgeon pursuing me meant that I was worth it. That I was something special."_

"_You are something special, Luke." Casey said as he poured more coffee into his friend's mug. "You didn't need __**him **__to tell you that."_

_ Luke had no doubt who Casey thought should be telling him that thought. He was still staring down at the table. "When is the last time you talked to Noah?"_

_ Casey froze at the mention of Noah's name. "What?"_

"_I know you talk to him." Luke smiled as he gazed up at his friend's nervous face. "He sent Natalie a get well card after her appendectomy."_

_ Casey looked straight at Luke. "I'm his friend too, Luke."_

"_I know." Luke laughed nervously. "How is he?"_

_ Casey was thoughtful for a long moment. "He's good. He finished out his senior year at NYU early and he's already got a directing job with a soap opera there in New York."_

"_That's wonderful." Luke whispered sadly. He wanted to ask so much more but something was stopping him. Was Noah seeing anyone? Did he miss . . . them?_

_ Casey sat staring at his lost and confused friend. "Call him."_

"_No." Luke stated calmly as he stared at the top of the table._

"_Why not?" Casey sat back in frustration. "You two are being ridiculous. You never belonged with Dr. Butthead and you both know it. Stop being stupid."_

"_Noah's better off. He's following his dreams and I'm sitting here . . ." Luke stopped and picked up his coffee cup. "I'm here enjoying the company of a good friend while I try and figure out where to go with my life."_

Lucinda took a deep breath and stood up from the desk and looked down into the beautiful, sad hazel eyes of her grandson. "Noah's called, Luke. You have a second chance, don't waste it." She sighed as memories flooded her mind. "You don't often get them, you must grab them when they present themselves."

Luke watched silently as his grandmother walked toward his office door.

"Leslie, are you still watching that crap?" Lucinda demanded as she saw Luke's assistant and her own assistant, Patricia sitting glued to the television set.

Leslie had jumped at Lucinda's question. "Ms. Walsh, I'm sorry. It's just . . . "

"Yes, I know. The 24-hour new cycle has you in it's clutches." Lucinda huffed. "Just make sure to let us know when my daughter actually makes an appearance on the screen."

Lucinda turned back to her grandson. "God, I wish I had had Ted Turner's foresight when he invented CNN. The brainwashing of America into believing that we need to watch the news 24/7."

Luke smiled as he watched his grandmother stalk away toward her own office at the Foundation. He sat back and thought about what she had said. Noah had called. He'd apologized. Was this a second chance being dropped right in his lap? If so, why shouldn't he take it, grab it with both hands and take the chance on them again.

_**RING. RING. RING**__._

Luke nearly jumped out of his chair as he scrambled to pick up his cell phone. His chest tightened as he looked at the display and saw Noah's name there.

"Hello." He said as he opened the phone. "Noah?"

"Luke." Noah breathed. "I . . . I lost reception."

"Cell phones, you can't live with them and you can't live without them." Luke tried to joke but he could tell from Noah's tone that his mood had changed from before.

"Noah?" Luke began. "What's wrong?"

"I should have stayed and fought for us." Noah said in a quiet but determined voice.

Luke sat, shocked by this admission. "What?"

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't be saying this. I know that you're with him." Noah began. "You're happy, right? Please tell me that you're happy?"

Luke could only sit and listen to Noah's almost begging tone. Pleading to know that Luke was happy.

"Please, Luke." Noah said in a shaking voice. "You're happy, right?"

Luke swallowed and whispered slowly into the phone. "Reid and I broke up three months ago."

The sentence hung in the silence.

"What?" Noah's shocked voice breathed into the phone.

"It just didn't work, Noah." Luke sighed wanting to say more but fearful at the same time. "It never worked between Reid and I. It just wasn't . . . it just wasn't us. I never stopped loving you, Noah."

Luke could hear Noah's breath heavy over the line.

"I never stopped loving you, either." Noah whispered almost breathlessly into Luke's ear.

Luke could feel the words all over his body. Feel the longing. Feel the want in those words cover him like a blanket and run to the core of his soul.

"Noah." Luke began but found he didn't know how to go forward.

"Luke." He heard the tremble in Noah's voice.

"Do you still want us? Do you still want me?" Luke asked afraid of the answer he would get but determined to not let the chance just slip away.

"Why didn't I hear that god damn song a week ago? Yesterday?" Noah nearly whimpered.

"Song? What song? What are you talking about, Noah?"

"I heard it three times in 45 minutes this morning. When I walked into the subway, there it was. Than I put my Ipod on shuffle and it stopped on it. Than as I was walking down the street to the . . . my errand."

"Noah, please stop about the d*amn song." Luke said in frustration. "Do you want us, Noah?"

"I want that more than anything, Luke." Noah seemed to gasp for breath and whispered. "Timings never been our friend has it? Why couldn't I have heard the damn song yesterday?"

As Luke listened in confusion to what Noah was saying his eyes landed on the television screen out by Leslie's desk. He could see that Oakdale Now was still being pre-empted by some breaking national news. He suddenly froze as he read the headline across the bottom of the screen._** 'BANK ROBBERY IN PROGRESS IN BROOKLYN NEW YORK BANK - HOSTAGES TAKEN'**_

Luke watched as New York City police sharp shooters were pictured firing gun shots into the bank.

_**BANG - BANG - BANG - BANG**_

He seemed to hear the sound of the gunshots in stereo coming from both the television and the cell phone pressed against his right ear at the same time.

Luke's heart which had been racing as he finally read the headline on the television came to a screeching halt as he listened to the sound of what he now knew to be gunshots.

"Noah . . ." Luke breathed, not realizing tears had sprung to his eyes. "You aren't at the DMV are you!"

"I love you so much, Luke." Noah whispered in a chocked voice.

"You're at the bank?" Luke hadn't realized he had gotten up from his desk until he found himself walking through his office door toward the television. Lucinda had returned to watch the coverage of the events. Herself caught up in the news frenzy.

She turned about to ask a question when she saw her grandson, blood drained from his face, standing stock still staring at the television.

"I love you, Luke. Please know that." Noah breathed.

"No! No, don't you dare, Noah!" Luke shouted into the phone. Leslie and the other two assistants jumping as they turned at the sound of Luke's screaming voice.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry." Noah whispered fiercely into the phone. "I know I'm being selfish by calling you."

"Stop it. Stop it right now." Luke yelled as he turned away from the TV not wanting to watch as the cameras showed the police SWAT team moving around on the adjacent rooftops. "Noah, you're going to make it. The police are going to get you out of there."

"No . . . they're not. He never planned on getting out alive, Luke." Noah smiled into the phone. "That's why he doesn't care if we're all on phones. He's got the whole place wired with explosives. He told us to call and say good-bye." Noah actually laughed. "Him saying that and that damn song. If that isn't destiny . . ."

"Noah, get down. Get behind something, anything." Luke begged tears nearly chocking him.

"I love you, Luke." Noah whispered again. Trying to gain some calm from Luke's voice. "I wish I'd heard the song yesterday and called you."

Luke chocked back a sob, trying to get breath into his body. "What song?" He whispered in a daze.

"The one line just keeps playing over and over in my head, Luke." Noah whispered as if exhausted._**"If your plane fell out of the skies, who would you call with your last goodbyes?**_" It just keeps running over and over in my head."

Luke was standing, listening to Noah's whispered voice, unable to find his own as he recognized the lyric and knew exactly what song it was.

"I swear I was going to call you, Luke, I swear it." Noah chocked. "But then I walked in here and . . . I love you, Luke."

Luke was standing gasping trying to breath. Listening to Noah who was sitting in the middle of a bank robbery saying over and over again that he loved him. "I love you too, Noah." He whispered as tears silently coursed down his face.

_**BANG - BANG - BANG.**_

Luke spun around to the television screen as the reporter screamed that _'this was it!'_ That the SWAT teams were making their move on the bank robbery suspect. He could hear screaming coming over the phone pressed to his ear. The screams of women and men alike and the yelling of a deeper voice.

"Noah!" Luke screamed into the phone. "They're coming in. Get down! Get down! Get down!"

_**BANG - BANG - BANG**__._

The sounds of utter chaos and terror were pouring over the phone line into Luke's straining, horrified ears. "Noah!"

Luke could barely make out Noah's voice over the turmoil. "I love you, Luke. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you . . . " Noah kept repeating quietly as if it were a prayer.

Lucinda stood with her hands clasped over her mouth as she had finally realized what was happening and she watched as her grandson stared wide-eyed at the screen and clutched the phone to his ear with a violently shaking hand.

Luke's heart stopped beating. His eyes seemed to bulge from their sockets as he watched as if in slow motion as the screen on the television revealed the violent explosion that suddenly rocked the bank in Brooklyn, New York.

"NOAH!" The line suddenly was dead and his ears seemed to ring with the deafening silence.

The phone slid out of his nerveless hand and crashed to the floor and broke into pieces as Luke stood staring at the television screen, his mouth silently mumbling.

Lucinda slowly walked over and wrapped her arms around her grandson as her eyes took in the sight on the television screen. Police, firemen and paramedics were swarming the front of the bank. She hugged Luke to her and could hear that he was quietly mumbling Noah's name over and over again as tears ran unchecked down his face.

"_**Yeah, we gotta start looking at the hands of the time we've been given here. This is all we've got and we gotta start thinking it, every second counts on a clock that's ticking. Gotta live like we're dying."**_

Luke sat with his Ipod ear buds in his ears as the private plane speed down the runway. His bloodshot eyes staring off into nothing as he listened to the song playing over and over on the Ipod. He'd lost count of the amount of times it had played.

Lucinda, Lily and Holden sat across from him on the plane that was heading as fast as the pilots could manage to New York. Lily and Holden feared the look in their son's eyes. The lost, longing look that had taken up residence in their son's gaze.

Lucinda had immediately gotten on the phone to her friend, Mayor Simmons of New York and asked the status of survivors, if any, at the bank. He hadn't known but after some not so gentle persuading from Lucinda he had promised that he would find out and keep her informed. He'd been true to his words having called back 15 minutes later, by that time Lily and Holden had both arrived to try and deal with a nearly catatonic Luke.

Mayor Simmons had then delivered the glimmer of hope that they now clung to. There had managed to be three survivors at the bank, two males and a female but that he and the police had no idea who the survivors where.

Lucinda had wasted no time in swinging into action, calling the airport and informing them to get the World Wide jet fueled and ready for immediate take off for New York. She was on the phone again to the Mayor as they took off and climbed to cruising altitude. Lucinda snapped the phone shut and turned toward her daughter and former son-in-law.

"Gerald, doesn't have any further news. He just knows that there are two males that survived the explosion and they're at St. Vincent's." Lucinda kept her voice low as she glanced toward her grandson who still sat silently in his seat.

"I don't want to get Luke's hopes up." Holden whispered back. He shook his head trying to imagine how all of this could have happened. Noah in the middle of a bank robbery. He looked over at Luke and his fear for his son intensified. They were all praying non-stop that one of the male survivors were Noah.

His mind screamed at him to not get his hopes up and to plan for the more likely scenario, that they had lost Noah in the explosion. He closed his eyes as he looked out the nearest window and watched the clouds pass beneath them.

"_Just come back to Oakdale, come home, Noah." Holden said to the blue eyes staring back at him across the small coffee table._

_ Noah smiled a sad smile. He'd been surprised and admittedly pleased when he'd received the phone call from Holden asking to meet him for coffee when he arrived in New York at the end of the week. He agreed immediately only to wonder the following two days why Luke's father had wanted to see him. _

"_I can't Mr. . . ." Noah stopped as he watched Holden cock an eyebrow at him and smirk. "I can't Holden." Noah corrected. _

_ Holden sat looking at the young man in front of him. A young man that he thought of as a son and had hoped one day would become his son by marriage. Holden normally wasn't one to butt into his children's or sibling's love lives but "damn it" Luke and Noah belonged together and if they were going to be too hard nosed, stubborn about it, it was up to him to make it right. _

"_And why is that Noah?" Holden asked the young man that was quickly getting flustered. "You still love Luke, correct?"_

_ Noah's head snapped up. "That's not the issue, sir." _

"_Than what is?" Holden asked as he sat forward._

_ Noah looked away from the suddenly penetrating eyes of the only man he'd ever considered a father. The Colonel was a lot of things in Noah's mind, father had never been one of them really._

"_Is Luke still seeing Reid?" Noah asked not meeting Holden's gaze._

"_Yes." Holden answered matter of factly._

"_Well then it doesn't matter how I feel, Luke's obviously moved on." Noah snapped._

"_You're both being fools." Holden sighed as he sat back in his chair. "You love my son and Luke loves you. Reid's just a placeholder. If you came back home, Noah, Reid wouldn't even be a memory - bad or otherwise." _

_ Noah had to chuckle at Holden's obvious distaste for Dr. Oliver, but Noah's also choked up at the word 'home'. Although, he'd finished school here in New York and now worked here, it was still New York, not home. When he thought of home - Oakdale was the only place that came to mind. _

"_Sir, I know you want the best for your son." Noah started and held up a hand as he saw Holden begin to interrupt. "But sometimes love isn't enough and no matter how hard you try something's just can't, won't work." _

_ Holden sat looking at the young man. A man who had arrived skittish as a new foal, but now seemed more self-assured, more at peace with himself. Holden sighed as he realized this was why he didn't meddle, he just wasn't good at it. He wanted to force the issue, pound some sense into the both of them but Noah was right to an extent. _

_ Some things didn't work, like he and Lily. No matter how long and how hard they tried, they never stayed together. He had hoped that Luke wouldn't take after them in that respect, he had hoped that with Noah he had found his peaceful, secure place. _

"_Noah, we all miss you." Holden smiled sadly. "You need to come home, even if it's only for a visit."_

_ Noah's heart was being pulled apart as he listened to Holden again tell Noah that they wanted him 'home'. He'd never realized just how sweet the word sounded and felt in your soul until he'd left Oakdale._

"_Please think about it." Holden tried again._

"_I will, sir." Noah said. "I promise."_

But he hadn't. Noah hadn't had the opportunity or the will power to come 'home' to Oakdale or his 'family.' Holden sighed as he continued to stare out the window trying hard to keep back the tears for the young man that was his son. If Noah had died in the explosion then they'd finally bring him back home. The only home Noah had ever known, Oakdale, where he belonged.

"_**We've only got 86 400 seconds in the day to turn it all around or throw it all away. We gotta tell them that we love them while we got the chance to say, gotta to live like we're dying."**_

To Luke it seemed like time itself had slowed to a crawl. He was obsessively pressing the replay button on his Ipod. The song being the only string leading him to Noah. He had heard what the Mayor had told his grandmother and what she'd told his parents, there were two male survivors and there was a possibility that one of them could be Noah but they didn't know for sure.

Luke wanted to believe, needed to believe that the chance was theirs. That they would get that second chance that Lucinda had talked about. Every time the song ended and he hit the replay button he could hear Noah's soft whisper in his head. '_I love you, Luke. I love you. I love you. I love you . . . '_ Over and over again in his ears.

Tears finally started falling as he realized that those words might have been the last words Noah might have said. That saying how much he loved Luke were his last thoughts. Luke finally crumbled as arms fell around his shoulders and Lily's soft words of love mingled with the lyrics of the song once again playing over in his ears.

"_**What if your plane fell from the skies, who would you call with you last good-byes? Should be so careful who we let fall out of our lives. So when we long for absolution, there'll be no one on the line." **_

They slowly climbed down the steps of the jet and all hurriedly got into the back of the waiting limo. Luke sat between his father and mother as the car pulled away and started toward St. Vincent's hospital.

"Are you sure?" Lucinda asked into her cell phone that she had pressed to her face as she glanced at the silent Luke who was gazing out the window. "Yes, thank you Gerald."

She slowly closed the phone and exhaled a deep breath. Her eyes were captured by those of her daughter.

"What mother?" Lily asked as fear suddenly gripped her. She reached over blindly and took Luke's hand. He didn't turn his head, just continued to look at the passing scenery and hit the replay button again on his Ipod.

"They've identified one of the male survivors." Lucinda said in a tight voice. "It was the bank robber. Somehow that animal survived."

"What about the other man?" Holden asked as he watched Luke who hadn't registered any reaction to the knowledge that the one man wouldn't be Noah.

"They still haven't identified him. He's in surgery for internal injuries and burns." Lucinda said as she nervously rubbed her temple. The stress was getting to all of them.

Luke heard it all, felt his mother's hand on his. The line that Noah had had playing over and over in his head was now taking up residence in his own. Noah had been facing his end and he'd called Luke. Luke was the one that he'd wanted at the end of everything. Luke strived to hold the tears in check. _**'Should be so careful who we let fall out of our lives. So when we long for absolution, there'll be no one on the line.'**_ Luke closed his eyes as that lined played in his ears.

'God, let my absolution be laying in a hospital bed.' Luke thought.

"I'm Lt. Fowler, Ms. Walsh." The officer introduced himself as they piled out of the limo as it came to a stop at the Emergency Room entrance to St. Vincent's Hospital. "Mayor Simmons asked me to meet you and your family and to assist you in the possible identification of our victim."

Lucinda shook the officer's outstretched hand as Lily stood silently and Holden helped a unsteady Luke out of the back of the limousine. They stood in the cold late afternoon air.

"Have you gotten any type of identification for the man? Age? Height? Hair or eye color?" Lucinda asked switching effortlessly to her business mode.

The officer began talking as he turned and lead them through the ER entrance and over to a bank of elevators. They quickly got in and waited as it took them up to the ICU floor. "Right now, all that we know is that it is a white male, approximately 22-25 years of age, with dark hair." He consulted his notes. "They didn't give me an eye color before they took him up to surgery."

"What were his injuries?" Holden asked as he stood with his arm around his son's shoulders. Luke looked on with glazed eyes.

"What you would expect from a person having been in an explosion. He's gotten several broken bones, a ruptured spleen which I believe they told me they were operating on to remove. Burns, but only 1st and a few 2nd degree." The officer said matter a factly. "Actually, he was lucky. Somehow he had gotten behind one of the teller's desks and that's what we think saved him."

Luke looked up at that, meeting the officers eyes for the first time. "When I was talking to Noah on the phone I told him to get behind something." He whispered.

The officer's eyes softened as he looked into the tired eyes of the young man in front of him. He could see the longing look of hope in those eyes. "I hope it's your boyfriend, sir."

The elevator doors opened and they walked out into the waiting room of the ICU unit. Several sets of worried, tired almost hungry eyes looked up at their entrance. The haunted eyes of families waiting for word of their loved ones condition and seeing that they weren't the delivers of that news.

"If you'll wait here I'll go ask the nurses whether the patient can be seen yet." Lt. Fowler said as he walked off toward the nurses station.

Lily slowly encircled her son's waist. "We're here, baby." She whispered in a low voice.

Luke numbly shook his head. He watched as the officer slowly turned and made his way back to their group.

"The nurses say that he made it through surgery and he's in stable condition." Lt. Fowler smiled. "If you'll come with me we can try to get an I.D. I'm sorry, only two of you can go at a time."

Lucinda and Holden immediately stepped back and Lily grabbed Luke's hand as they followed Lt. Fowler down the long, cold, white hallway. They passed several ICU cubicles, each housing a critically injured person. Each with a family holding vigil, waiting to see if their loved one would survive whatever fight they were waging.

Lt. Fowler stopped in front of the cubicle that housed 'John Doe'. Luke almost found it amusing that anybody actually used that term. He'd thought it was only in the movies. Movies. Noah. Luke's heart sank. He stopped before the door terrified to go in. He looked at his mother standing silently by his side and she saw the fear there.

"Whatever it is, I'm here baby." Lily said confidently.

"I don't know if I can go in?" Luke whispered in a fierce voice as tears were in his eyes again. "If I don't go in than he's still . . . " He couldn't continue.

"Do you want me to go in with you?" Lily asked quietly.

Luke shook his head, no. He had to do this and do it now. "I'm ready." He said looking at the officer.

He walked quietly into the space. Machines were everywhere beeping and making other otherworldly sounds. The light's were dimmer than those in the hallway and he found himself squinting trying to get a good look at the man on the bed in the middle of the room. As he came around the foot of the bed and approached the head his heart was racing a mile a minute. He finally looked down at the face of the man from the bank and his heart froze.

The man was obviously more aware of his surrounds than anyone gave him credit for because his eyes slowly opened when he became aware of someone standing next to him.

Tears streamed down Luke's face as he stared into those crystal blue eyes that had captured his heart three years earlier and never, ever let it go.

"Hello, Luke." Noah whispered hoarsely.

"Hello, Noah." Luke breathed as he leaned down and placed his hands on both sides of Noah's haggard face. "You didn't let me finish our phone conversation."

Noah tried unsuccessfully to smile. "Oh, yeah?"

"No . . . he didn't make me happy." Luke said as he gazed into those blue eyes. "I want you, Noah. I want us."

Noah sighed as his eyes locked with the tired, blood shot hazel eyes he'd dreamed about every night for he last six months.

Luke leaned down so that his mouth was right next to Noah's ear and whispered. _**"How come we don't say "I love you" enough until it's too late. It's not too late."**_

Luke pulled back and saw Noah's eyes widen slightly and he tried to stifle a chuckle. "Yeah, now I can't get that damn song out of my head either."

"Don't even try." Noah smiled back as Luke leaned down and pressed a gentle kiss onto his lips. _'It's not too late.' _Rang in Noah's head as he smiled into the kiss.

_**THE END**_


End file.
